“I had my own notion of grief.
I thought is was the sad time that followed
the death of someone you love…and you had to push
through it to get to the other side.
But I’m learning there is no other side.
There is no pushing through.
But rather, there is absorption…adjustment…acceptance.
Grief is not something you complete, but rather, you endure.
Grief is not a task to finish and move on, but an
element of yourself…an alteration of your being.
A new way of seeing.
A new definition of self.”
Abandonment and Betrayal, I find those most painful emotions must be felt, looked at and recognized for what they are…abandonment and betrayal…the rawness of it. A present reality that springs forth the hurt of years past that have not been given their due.
As a recent widow, coaching women who have experienced devastating loss, I’m very aware of the impact of these disruptive emotions on my everyday life.Read More
Larry missed his oncologist visit, he can’t walk but a few steps before collapsing. He’s not eating. He’s drinking very little. The Hospice nurse is coming in today.
Hospice is it’s not always about the end of life, they can be a huge support to the entire family, much more than what I’ll call “regular” nursing visits. They ended up being an incredible blessing. We, both Larry and I, couldn’t have gone through this process as beautifully as we did without their support.
The missed oncology visit was frustrating. But Larry wasn’t going to tolerate any treatments. He’s so weak. He’s stopped walking. He’s speaking very little.Read More
I’m entering year two since my husband passed away. And still I struggle with daily living. Perhaps you can relate. For example, today, my allergies are causing a pounding in my head and a churning in my gut. That, on top of dreaming that my husband was alive, and we were driving in a beautiful mountain region on vacation. We stopped for gas and at that point the dream jumped to finding him passed out in a field by the gas station, muttering nonsense, people gathered around staring…me yelling at them, and the dog running off. I was reliving his quick and radical demise. I woke up in tears and my head ached.Read More
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)
What does that mean? Being comfortable with not knowing...life without a plan?
Maybe it means getting into "flow" and doing your best to stay there for as long as you can.
A learned process and not a natural outcropping for me. Let's experiment.
Visiting our old neighborhood, I looked out over the yards from my friend’s home into what was once our backyard. In my mind’s eye, I saw him there, sitting on the deck, having his cup of coffee and another cigarette.Read More