Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)
What does that mean? Being comfortable with not knowing...life without a plan?
Maybe it means getting into "flow" and doing your best to stay there for as long as you can.
A learned process and not a natural outcropping for me. Let's experiment.
So how to get into the flow when all you’re feeling is numbness. What I tried and seemed to work fairly well is planting my feet firmly on the ground and taking a deep breath. I sat quietly and listened to the sounds of my breathing...soon I could have sworn I heard my heartbeat...damn, if I have to be alive, at least let's find a place of peace and lightness. Life has changed. My husband isn't here. Life is buzzing along in the world as if nothing happened. Give it up, Fran, be present to yourself. Feel closely for God’s prompting, encouraging you to the next step or maybe to rest.
Stay there for a while. Identify what the feelings are. Embrace them or at least acknowledge them, good or not so good...then let them drift away if they make you sad. Focus on the memories and thoughts that make you smile.
Is it serving you well?
Is it aligning with your values?
Give reframing a try when you find a thought or identify a feeling that doesn't serve you. Here is my experience. My thought was “I’m all alone.” My reframe was: OK, I am alone, I think I’ll invite Sharon, my friend, over for dinner tonight and I won't be alone for the moment.
Be who you want to be by choice. Learn your "drivers" and tame them.
I know very well that after suffering a deep and hurtful loss there is a time when one doesn’t feel like doing anything but hiding or getting lost in a crowd of noisy distractions. There is no timetable for finding your strength and embracing life. Be kind to yourself and do what you need to do until you’re ready to stick your head out of the shell again.
This is your time to heal. Heal and rejoin your life and the lives of those who love you.